Tim Onion

Some incredibly good news: One year ago this week, The Onion returned to print. In that one year, we’ve grown to the 13th largest print newspaper in the United States, just ahead of the Boston Globe, and growing fast. In short, it’s working. So… thank you. Thank you for helping save this thing.

The Onion News Network truck is currently stationed outside the Broadview ICE Detention facility just outside of Chicago.

Too bad the GOP effectively criminalized studying how information moves online and news orgs laid off and demonized all the reporters who covered the burgeoning online accelerationist performative death cults. All of that work was somehow "censorship" that needed to be stopped. Now we're here.

On Polymarket you can now bet on how many people in a different market on Polymarket think Jesus Christ will return in this calendar year. 29% of bets say that more than 5% of bets in the Jesus Christ return market will be a "yes" 9 days from now. Anyway everyone involved in this needs jailtime.

I'm gonna have a big ol bag of chips and I don't look and sound like a desiccated meatball trying desperately to speak human English so whose diet is really working here?

Draymond Green has figured out this thing where he gets a cheap technical early for yelling at a ref so he is then allowed to commit four or five flagrant fouls that the refs simply don't call because they don't want to deal with kicking him out. This is only sort of a skeet about Donald Trump.

This is the guy who nerfed Tumblr’s usage with the porn ban btw.

Is anybody ever gonna take a step back and realize the "Russia Russia Russia" people — derided as lunatic wine moms — were actually underplaying the foreign influence stuff, and the loud people who kept insisting it was all fake are now saying Jeffrey Epstein was kind of a cool guy?

An old classic.