The Borowitz Report

In 2001, I started making up news stories and emailing them to friends. I had no idea that someday this would be how I’d make a living. I just thought it would be a fun hobby, and way better than gardening, at which I totally sucked.

Instead of the media’s lazy posthumous takes, I am in favor of Kirk’s actual words being spread far and wide.

Instead of posting the Ten Commandments in public places let’s post the 25th Amendment

Sarah Palin No Longer Dumbest Person to Set Foot in Alaska

Cutting down my time on social media. See all future posts at borowitzreport.com

Renee Good’s family should file a $1 trillion defamation lawsuit against Trump, Vance, and Noem.

“We lost the colonies because our King went insane,” Charles said. “But now the shoe’s on the other bloody foot, isn’t it?”

The ICE agent who murdered Renee Good was never in front of her car when he fired the three shots. I hope this helps Kash Patel and the FBI in their thorough investigation.

JD Vance says “the far left” caused the woman to be killed in Minnesota. I think he means “the ICE agent to the left of her car.”

ICE Agents Murder Woman in Minnesota

“If anyone was going to out-dumb me, it was gonna be this guy.”

King Charles Seeks to Restore British Rule Over U.S.

Every subscription helps me make Stephen Miller cry.