Cooperstreaming ♿️

Sometimes I feel like crypto is just beanie babies for guys who can't get laid.

I call the disability rideshare service so frequently that I've become friends with one of the operators. We know each other's voices by heart. Sometimes I'm five minutes late to wherever I'm going because I spent 5 minutes talking to Tammy instead of booking the ride. I'm ok with that.

Every time there's a school shooting we hear from the NRA, but it feels like they've been real quiet ever since tyranny has been taking over the US. Like maybe we'll forget why we actually have those second amendment rights or something.

The guy from Eve 6 was a virgin when he wrote "Tie me to the bedpost" and no one in Weezer had ever gone surfing when they wrote "Surf Wax America" Which kinda makes sense. The moral of the story is if u wanna be a rockstar, just be a teenager who lies. Works every time.

Absolute win for button jacket today. Button jacket is my favorite hobby. Button jacket brings me joy. Button jacket supremacy. Next time it's Christmas or my birthday I'm just going to ask everybody for the dopest weirdest enamel buttons they can find.

Normally I like people to be straightforward, but I do occasionally enjoy a good dating euphemism. One time a guy asked me over to his place to "color" and I said "I have a 64 pack, but not my toothbrush, if that's what you're asking." I see your opaque metaphor, and raise you a worse one.

Had a VPN and a new phone so I got to use reddit for a few months. Anyway they caught my ass. I was originally banned for a combo of violations. Something about disliking Nazis and Harvey Weinstein should be castrated I think. The most important takeaway to me is that EVERY platform could do this

Me: No problemo. To myself, whispering: It was all, in fact, problemo.

Watching Miss Congeniality because I enjoy the naivity of the '90s where movie producers thought we would all collectively pretend Sandra Bullock with slightly frizzy hair wasn't the hottest woman alive, and you know what, we did it. We believed.

The one good thing about my mom being a total fucking bird is that the dude she got engaged to after knowing him for a week is a raging San Francisco liberal, so now she's one too. Go birds, I guess 💀

Finding out Samia (the girl who sings "hooooowww long do I have left with my dog, til I start forgetting shit") is Samia is actress Kathy Najimy's daughter (Hocus Pocus, Sister Act) is frying me. Even my little weirdos are nepobabies 😭 Can't anyone just grow up poor and cool anymore?

In retrospect, my top songs of 2025 should have clued me in to the fact that I was going thru some shit. 💀

Found out Katy Perry wrote Waking Up in Vegas because she got fake married in Vegas as a prank & apparently I have never had an original experience. Boooo.