Benny Feldman 🪸🫧🐠

Gatherable Berries

It’s funny how phones have made clock towers obsolete. Like now I can just google images of clock towers whenever I want

Melting my computer into a pure computer ingot

You ever notice that birds won't go near a scarecrow, but if you put a real man of flesh and blood on a wooden stake in a field, they'll peck out his eyes

The raven comes before you die as an omen. The vulture comes after as a scavenger. And for my buddy, the ostrich came during as fast as hell

If you torture animals as a kid, you’re more likely to grow up to be a serial killer. If you torture animals as an adult, you’re all good. Brain is done cooking

If poop were a sort of living bug that crawled out of your hole, toilet water would probably be scalding hot, so as to kill it quickly

All dogs go to heaven. That's why, right before I die, I'm going to graft a bunch of dogs to my body

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a skeleton army is a good guy with a skeleton army

The gift horse saying and the Trojan horse legend give us conflicting perspectives on whether or not to check the insides of a free horse

Here's what's next 🦋

Actually Mr. Peterson, it’s better to live in muck and filth under a rock than to have a clean room. Consider the lobster,

Shaggy from Scooby Doo and Steve from Blue's Clues were both hanging out with a dog and solving mysteries. But with very different relationships to food...

The dune spice as a character on Blues Clues yelling at the mailbox with the command voice to make it report tomorrow’s mail