Hayes Brown

[taps sign]

this is a day for those of us who have spent the last six months terminally online. this is for us and honestly, we deserve it.

The plane being a White Elephant gift is the funniest turn this saga could have taken

Y-you- you’re thinking about this all wrong, as if I had the Epstein files back in a safe. The Epstein files aren’t here — the Epstein files are in Joe’s house, and Mrs. Menklin’s house, and a hundred others

new from me: the White House doesn’t want real history in the National Museum of American History. instead, engaging in toxic fandom, shaming the Smithsonian for not stanning its favs hard enough

I was just reminded that I have every right to still be mad about this and also that it was clear he was going to be Like This for ages

American innovation continues to lead the world in the field of “hey what if this thing tasted like some other thing”

i forgot to repost this very good joke during the actual match so please appreciate it now thank you

fun fact: if the Spain-Portugal game ends in a tie, Pope Leo can just issue an updated Inter Caetera papal bull to resolve the dispute

Infantino, hearing there might be another red card to make go away:

wow so glad Ted Lasso managed to recruit this Bellingham kid

england wandering into the western hemisphere and acting like they own the place yet again I see smh

i love the idea of world cup players doing acting warmups in the locker room before a match. just playing zip zap zog to make sure their flops seem really present and grounded.

Good things? From MY U.S. Supreme Court??