Jesus and Butthead

If dinosaurs developed rocket technology, this shit would've been different.

Waiting for the trickle down since 1981.

He's just upset because he realized he's not even the best president in the Epstein files.

Ok, Cocaine Bear is the best Care Bears movie ever.

It's like I woke up in a different time zone.

Magic markers aren't so fucking magic.

See, no one's bitching about egg prices anymore.

One day, I'll find an enchanted log that's not in my toilet.

On this day in 1994, Billy and Dusty from ZZ Top married the twins from the Shining.

I still test 9 Volt batteries with my tongue.

Don't make me get up from this floor, or it's going to take a really long time, and I'm going to look stupid.

I'm convinced Zima would still be around if they had gone with my ChimpanZima ad campaign.

Face it, we've been lost since the Shaggy D.A. retired.

Man, Roosevelt Franklin was the coolest fucker on the planet.