Jesus and Butthead

Hey, good morning. Let's call it a day.

Waiting for the trickle down since 1981.

He's just upset because he realized he's not even the best president in the Epstein files.

Ok, Cocaine Bear is the best Care Bears movie ever.

Are people still stealing gas like it's the 1970's?

The sequel to Nosferatu is Dosferatu.

I opened a fortune cookie. It read, "give up." Then it listed my lucky numbers. WTF?

It's Sunday, the day Jesus says, "Eat me."

They need to make a wedding card that reads, "Now You Can Have Sex and Not Get Killed in a Horror Film."

If you don't want to name your band Wolfgang Amadeus Ballsac, Strawberry Buttcake, or Tampon Supermodel, don't ask me for suggestions. Fucking coworkers.

Internet weary. I'm going to write letters for a while. Check your mailbox.

Business plan: I'll make a jello filled effigy of anyone you want so you can run it over with your car. I'll call it Hit and Fun.