Jesus and Butthead

I'm putting on a little weight, so if I die alone, my cats have a bit more to survive on.

Waiting for the trickle down since 1981.

He's just upset because he realized he's not even the best president in the Epstein files.

Ok, Cocaine Bear is the best Care Bears movie ever.

Don't forget the story of the first Christmas, when Jesus was crowned the Ultimate Fighting Champion.

I think my cats are getting high while I'm at work.

Yesterday, I realized that 99% of my time travel fantasies, whether going back to the past or heading to the future, involve getting food.

The internet took an ugly turn after that whole "which way does the toilet paper roll go" debate.

This morning I realized that I don't know what my limbs are doing when I'm asleep.

I just had to remind my sister that people who want to make you feel bad don't belong in your life. It's the simple shit we forget sometimes.

As it turns out, everyone who artificially tans does it to cover their "666" marking.

Woe to you, oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short. Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number, its number is 867-5309.

Catholic Church slogan : Jesus. It's what's for breakfast.

So, who are these Food Wine Spirits, and why don't I pray to them more?